Forgive Me Daddy…I Took the Pen Again.

A conversation about control, surrender, and learning to trust the Author and the FINISHER of our faith...again.

“God is writing the story. Stop stealing the pen.”

I almost stopped in the middle of that winding road. I literally grabbed my chest with one hand, and struggled to hold the wheel with the other. It was truly momentous…breath-taking, and it left me speechless.

“Father I’m guilty. I’ve done this! I’ve done this so many times…forgive me!”

Those were my words, and along with them came streams of tears, and a bit of remorse. I almost stopped, turned around and pulled into that old church yard. The twins were in the backseat playing and talking, and I was having a whole conversation with God about the part I played in taking over when I should have surrendered…

That sign was the most powerful statement I’d ever seen written on a church sign for as long as I could remember. I’ve seen creative mottos, expressions and rhymes to get people to come to church or back to church…but never had I seen something so pronounced to get the attention of the ones who stopped trusting God’s direction…and decidedly went their own way…

That sign was the entire sermon I needed on that day.

It wasn’t condemning, and I am certain it wasn’t meant to be. It was, however, convicting. Those words caused an entire movie to play before my eyes of every moment I snatched the pen AND script from my Maker, and decided to play God, and edit then direct the book He’d already written.

I remembered the beautiful seasons when I’d decided to walk with Jesus on water. He’d given an instruction, and without hesitation I stood up, got out of the boat and followed Him.

In those seasons, no one could move or shake me. Nothing convinced me otherwise. I was solid, I was unshaken and unmoved. I didn’t care to explain or convince anyone of my movment, I only sought to obey my Creator.

I remembered how many storms came to tempt me and take my eyes of the One who gave me the original directions for my course. Failure caused me to look down…many times.

Disappointment grabbed my ankles, and discouragement wrapped itself around my neck and chest, pulling me down into the water where I began to fight for my life.

I fought not to drown and I fought to stand on the water again. I fought to survive.

All of those moments replayed just after reading one statement on an old church sign:

“God is writing the story. Stop stealing the pen.”

Who sat down and thought to write such a bold, yet freeing statement? I wanted to find them, and hug them, thank them for the conviction they brought to a momma who was simply passing by.

Sometimes revival comes in a gathering of believers, in a room where hungry, thirsty hearts are waiting and desperate for God to speak and move.

In other moments, revival happens right where we are. God visits us and moves through the words on a sign or a song on the radio. He will get through all the noise to speak to us if we are willing to listen, hear and receive what He is saying.

We must be willing first…to put ourselves on the altar and say to Him,

“Keep creating in me a clean heart…” - Psalms 51:10 (TPT)

I’d lose count on the number of times I said those seven simple words, in various ways to my Maker. I was already willing to make whatever adjustments needed to be made so that I could be in alignment with His will for my life. I could feel when I’d somehow gotten away from the original plan. I could always sense when I was off, and had strayed from God’s plan and unique design.

I’d stretched my faith that morning, to meet God in my car, on a winding road through Aiken, South Carolina, where I was going about my day. God had used another author…though I suppose they may not have seen themselves as such. A willing servant, who probably struggled each week to come up with something new, and inspiring to say…who had no idea that incredible breakthrough and awareness came through their obedience.

That quote wasn’t simply beautiful in word form…it invited me to see myself in it. It created space for me to commune with my Creator and seek Him for clarity and understanding about my own conviction of having taken the pen…ironically while I was in the driver’s seat.

Have you taken the pen? Truly, realistically, can you recall moments in which you began to:

* Rush something God was still developing…

* Treated every idea or vision like an immediate assignment…

* Measured your obedience by productivity…

* Tried to force growth while absolutely exhausted…

…or this one is truly convicting for me personally right now…

* Did you ever begin to feel fully responsible for BOTH, planting the seed and producing the harvest???

You know I turned this into an entire journaling session. I invite you to journal with me.

Talk this out deeper. Journal with me.

Did you recall any of these moments happening on your own journey, while faithfully building what God placed inside your heart and hands?

Which ones speak specifically to you right now?

Are you holding the pen right now?

Are you ready to return it?

This is a truly revelational release for me, and I don’t believe the Lord is done with what He wants to say inside of this piece. As I share it with you, I pray you allow Holy Spirit to continue to reveal to you the moments you took the pen.

I encourage you today with what encouraged me. God didn’t allow me to fall into a sea of disappointment and regret. He met me in my car, in that moment, and pulled me up and into a place of forgiveness with Him.

Yes, I took the pen.

Yes, I tried to edit the story.

Yes, I tried to be in control.

Yes, I disobeyed.

Yes, I compromised.

Yes, I gave into fear.

Yet…He reminded me that…

I am His.

I am forgiven.

His arms are open for me to come to Him and fully surrender all.

Everything God gave me will grow at the pace of His grace.

Even if I took the pen…my returning it announces to my Creator and to heaven that I trust Him to author and finish what He started.

“If God’s grace doesn’t help the builders, they will labor in vain to build a house...”

- Psalms 127:1 (TPT)

Surrender is not the promise that I will never reach for the pen again…it is knowing where to return it when I do.

Conversation With Abba

ABBA,

I confess to you, that I took the pen…again. In seasons past, and up until this moment, I realize I didnt’ trust you when I grabbed the pen and attempted to be in control.

Thank you for correcting me lovingly and tenderly. Here, in this space with you, I return my plans, my movement, my ministry, my gifts and every unfinished work into your hands.

ABBA, teach me to recognize when I am striving instead of trusting you.

I declare on today that I would rather live the story written by you about me in my books.

I declare on today that with the help of your Spirit, I will not be moved off course by fear. I will move by faith.

I trust You. I trust your plan.

Forgive me, Daddy. I took the pen again and again—but today, I place it back into YOUR hands. YOU are the Author in whom I trust.

It is so.

Amen.

I invite you to share your own revelation and thougts about this release, as well as journal with me through this message.

You can join me in written conversation on my website here.

Conversations go deeper on my podcast, Teaching by Faith. I’d love for you to subscribe and join me there where I share my innermost faith-building moments with ABBA in conversation form.

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