The Fork in the Road

Just 4 months after the twins were born, I battled depression in ways no one truly knew except for my husband.

Just two months into my last teaching job…the morning I arrived at the daycare with only three of my four children wearing shoes…I stood frozen in place between the decision to cry nonstop on the side of the road…or scream in my car with no idea if I could stop.

That was the day that I made the decision to surrender to what I am doing at this very moment. Nothing was more frightening to me than no longer being able to serve and fully love the people that mean the most to me.

My husband needed a whole me, a healed me.

My children needed a momma who was fully present, able to listen and full of strength.

What they were getting was a shell of me. This had been my idea of surviving, and doing what I thought I had to do for far too long. It finally cost me much more than I could give.

I knew there was a better way. I knew that I could be a help meet to my husband and build our home and family without losing my mind, compromising the vision God had given to me, and living in the purpose He had for my life.

What you see today was a series of deep moments with God where my only language was through my tears. The number of journals I filled to surrender past hurts, write out prayers to help me forgive and move forward gained its own shelf. I lost count of the number of meetings my husband and I shared at our kitchen table with our phones and a calendar trying to write and rewrite the vision, construct the right schedule, cement the absolutes and not right now or in this season we will…we won’t…we can’t right now…

Every single day is a new opportunity for me to grow. As I do, I often revisit that seemingly dark day. I tell that story out loud to myself whenever I feel doubt, unbelief, or discouragement beginning to creep in.

When I say that I’m “teaching by faith,”

I LITERALLY and truly am LIVING it too. Not one single moment of this life do I take for granted. I don’t have a picture perfect life that I’m recording or capturing and hiding behind.

There is sweat and there are tears. There are moments when I tell God this is just too hard, or I ask Him through tears when will it all begin to look like what He showed me it would become…

More than occasionally my income fluctuates. Some months are good and some are down right disappointing…but I keep building. I keep my focus on the One who I surrendered my plans to on that day…

That day that time stood still for me, I realized the choice I made wouldn’t give me time back, not one single minute. It would, however allow me to embrace the time God has given me to do what I believe He created me to do.

God is with me in this, just as He is with you. He’s wants to lead us through every moment. He doesn’t desire for us to merely survive. He gives us strength as we invite Him to help us build what is ETERNAL not temporal. He’s not crushing our dreams, He’s destroying what’s flawed in our character and subtracting what’s not needed for the greater work He’s called us to do.

Momma what is in your hands today WILL become a mighty work and masterpiece tomorrow if you are faithful to it and always include the Master builder in your plan🙏🏾

That day when I was torn between a cry and a scream was the day I chose to come off the familiar path I knew and made the choice to take the brand new road that made no logical sense. I can tell you this truth…I’ve never felt more joy, more strength and more peace. Is it scary? Yes! But What looked like the unknown has brought me closer to God than I’ve ever been, and set me on an unmistakable journey of faith, with daily lessons on trusting God with EVERY step👣 I take.

Maybe you’re at that same moment where I was that day, sitting in your car, trying to decide if you should cry, scream, or SURRENDER… if you are standing at your own fork in the road today, don’t be afraid to choose the path that requires FAITH. God is already waiting for you THERE. ❤️